Not just tomorrow, but ten years from now.

My life has taken a turn. In my last blog, "The Meaning", I spent a lot of time writing about how my addictions were getting the best of me and how my relationship was failing. It has been awhile since I've written in that blog however because I no longer subscribe to the same beliefs I did then. Let's just say that things have changed. I'm happy to announce that I am finally sober. The Micah that spent his free time drinking copious amounts of alcohol is no more. Nowadays, I am doing the things that I put off for so long. I am back in school. I am eating right and exercising. I am being productive as a father and a husband. I am happy. What had happened was, I hit my rock bottom. In fact, I hit my rock bottom a long time ago. Fortunately for me though I had a woman who didn't quit on me when she probably should have. The very essence of a woman. Strong, beautiful, smart. Yet she was bullheaded in a way. She must have known there was something underneath the rust that could be restored and I am thankful every single day that she was that driving force that allowed me to heal. I had been drinking since a fairly early age and it became a lifestyle. It blinds you and becomes somewhat of a superpower. When I was sober I was weak. I was afraid to face the day and what it had in store for me. When I drank, nothing mattered anymore. I was invincible. I thought I could break down walls when in fact...I was just putting them up. As some of you know, I am a bartender. That's pretty ironic, I know. That's the equivalent of the mouse guarding the cheese. I find it helpful though. I mean, someone has to look after the adults, right? I find myself being a therapist sometimes and just recently I had a gentleman sit at my bar and give me a heads up that it was going to be a rough night. He had met his wife at my bar and he intended to tell her he wanted a divorce at my bar (neither of which is a good idea). So, after a little while the wife gets up to go fix her makeup. The guy tells me she is such a "nag". She wants him to quit drinking etc., etc. It went something like this: Him: Can you believe she wants me to quit drinking? I mean c'mon, we met in a bar. Me: That's why you want a divorce? Him: Well, things have gone from bad to worse lately. Me: The drinking or the marriage? Him: Well... (This couple has a child by the way.) Me: So who were you then? When the two of you met? Him: I was me. Me: So then, who are you going to be tomorrow? Still you? Him: Hell yeah!!! Me: You remind me of me. But yesterday's me. I was in a similar spot as you and I had to think really hard about what I was to do. I had to decide not only who I was going to be tomorrow, but who I was going to be in ten years. How did I want to see myself and how did I want others to see me. How would my children feel about me in ten years? Sure tomorrow is easy. If I was going to only focus on tomorrow, I guarantee you I'd still be drinking. The key is to take it a step further. Him: I should have talked to you first. I'm in no way a counselor and I am no better than anybody else. I just see things differently now and if I can get one thing out of this blog, it will be to help just one person. I have been blessed to know people who have given me great advice and I am blessed to be surrounded by support. You will see all kinds of stuff on this blog; stories, drawings, pictures, videos....whatever I feel like posting really. There will be happiness and sadness and anger and joy. I will question you, give advice, even look to you for support as well as be that support for you. In my life I have realized that everything is soluble. How long can you take the rain is the question and how long until you seek shelter?