Mirror, mirror..

"Today is day one of what will be the most difficult time of my life." Feb. 17 2012 That is the first line of my recovery journal that I started last year. Let me begin this post by letting you all know a little more about how I reached that point. By "that point", I mean the point where you finally look at yourself in the mirror, look at your surroundings full of gathered wreckage and decide you are finally fed up. It takes longer for some and others never reach it. So if you're there, you are very lucky. That means that there is something or someone that needs you and you have realized that. If not just for yourself, for others as well. It should be for you first though. Mine point was the day I woke up alone. I had entered a drunken rage and kicked my wife and children out of our house for no reason. They had done nothing wrong. That was my point. When they came home it was only to gather their belongings and furniture. I was certain that I had done it this time. I took a good look in the mirror. I didn't get sad. This time I got mad. Mad at myself for everything I had done, most of which I didn't remember. Mad at how I looked. Mad at how much I hadn't gotten done in all those years. Think about it. How much further would you be in life had it not been for addiction? Who might still be around? Have you lost friends or family to addiction? Is this cycle your predetermined fate? I began writing in a journal. If you already keep a journal then you know how vital of a tool it is. Write down your feelings, your accomplishments...count the days that you've been clean. I promise you that every day will be terribly difficult. You will most likely get sick. You will probably vomit. But what is leaving your body was never intended to be there in the first place. It's an exorcism of sorts. In my journal, I doodled a lot. I scribbled grafitti of how I felt. It was the best medicine for me to be able to vent to my journal.

Admit to yourself what you are. Admit to others who you are. My name is Micah, and I'm an alcoholic. Period. This is where it all begins. Stop blaming everyone else for your situation. This is something you created all by yourself. It may not be what you want to hear but it's the God's honest truth. You earned it all.by.yourself. If you're ready to go on this journey, and you ARE, then I will be here for you. Know that you are not alone. Next step: Join InTheRooms.com